Honesty, Break, Stuff?

By: Nebulous Mood: dont know Date: 12/21/2006 00:30:37 Music: what ever is good and not rap or pop

Well you know the whole „I’m an Asshole“ blog that I did?  Well that girl im always talking about still really likes to read my blogs and I finely was like sure read them but you probably wont want to read the „I’m an Asshole“ one.  She is like why is there other stuff in there?  So I tried to explain the other shit that was said at that party but I did a really bad job of it and she really took it the wrong way.  I call her up to try to put things right and I can kinda hear her sniffle and its one thing to hear a girl cry but its another when its because of you.  That is one of the few things that can make me hate my self instantly.  So I tried to re-explain everything and at some point she told me that all week she had been planning to ask about that second try for our relationship.  By the end of the phone call things might have been better, probably not, but boy did I feel like shit.  My friends had been like it was just some bullshit that was said when you were drunk just forget about it.  Whats even worse is that I wasn’t even going to tell her about it but through my blogs and really, really bad expiation through SMSs I couldn’t have done a worse thing.  Well this for me at least was about the point where I wanted to take the person who first said honesty is what makes a prefect relationship or how ever that saying goes and just slug him in the face.  Ok it’s a bit extreme but what ever.  So over the next few days we kinda talk things over and she says that since I was cool with things that she had done why shouldn’t she do the same? And also that when you really like someone they deserve the benefit of the doubt.  She said that she was still annoyed about the whole thing so I decided to just give it a few days and let her kinda cool off in a way.  It was either Wednesday or Thursday I can’t remember but I went with her in to town after school cause she needed to get a birthday present for someone.  It was already getting dark when we were on the tram heading home and I was like want to go to the spot on the panorama weg that I told you about?  Just to explain this spot on the panorama weg is right where the city ends and the the hill/mountain that’s above Zurich starts and at night you can see almost the entire city and all its lights.  This spot is where I always go if I need to think or just be alone and I had told her about it at some point.  So anyways she was like sure why not.  It’s a bit of a walk to that spot from the tram stop but its not bad but it was pretty cold out.  It was almost perfect, it was clear the stars were just coming out no haze over the city, you could see everything that night.  We really just sat there and stared out at the city neither of us saying anything just thinking.  I really wanted to say something but I know it really wasn’t the time.  So we just sat there thinking our own thoughts.  It was getting late so we headed back to the tram stop and when we were going through the tunnel to where her bus stops she turned to me and said I don’t know if I can trust what you say so don’t reply but I like you.  With something like that said how can you reply?  Pretty much since that we haven’t really talked.  I have really wanted to do something with her but as usual we haven’t.  The one day my bro and I were in town Christmas shopping and she and her sister were so we decided to meet up for some hot chocolate or something. Just to say my bro and her sister are good friends as well.  So we all went to starbucks where we were just having a good time enjoying not having to worry about school and it ended with all of us sitting on this really comfortable couch and she and I giving each other hand massages, weird I know but relaxing none the less.  I did end up getting her something for Christmas and was going to give it to her then since I didn’t know when I would see her next but she was like no don’t give it to me now I don’t have your gift with me right now.

I’ve been out a few times since break started and I was out last night and she and she had said that she would possibly be out tonight with her friends so I was thinking of heading in as well but she sent me an interesting SMS saying I would say come hang with us but they’re crashing at mine and I want to talk to you later so it may not be ideal.  I really have no clue where to take this.  It could be good it could be bad. I really don’t know cause in a way there is equal stuff on both sides.  And another thing which Scrubs actually made me think about was “love is like butterfly, hold it too softly and it will fly away.  But hold it too hard and you will crush it.” I just wonder if I might have done one or the other?